Vent.... gah.

Ok... as I know only people who are silly enough with no life (Claireeeeee) read this... I am just so fed up right now.. and I actually couldn't care less who reads this but anyway.

Chase is taking me to NY in Feb..... for Valentines and wedding anni treat... and I am soo excited seriously... he is such a caring guy when he wants to be. He is getting deployed March time and I know how hard that is for him to be away from the girls and stuff... so I don't like giving him a hard time but sometimes I just feel like he doesn't care anymore.

I have ASKED him not to smoke in front of the kids.... he knows how much I hate smoking and I didnt like him doing it in the house before they arrived and especially not now. I understand it is cold outside but I don't want passive smoking getting involved with the babies. He will not effing smoke outside... ugh.

He went out last night over to his friends (no names being mentioned)... to play the xbox, as usual. Leaves me with the girls.. which I am fine with I love spending time with my babies I gues... its just hard when its just me and them.. I miss my friends and I miss my family... I miss being able to just pop round to see them all.. I still call lots but its not the same I wish they were just here..

So anyway he goes out to play the xbox I asked him to be back by 10 because that meant the girls would be sleeping, and I would have maybe 30mins or so to myself to have a bath and stuff and hopefully we could have some us time when he got home ;)

But nooooo... 10.30 comes and I ring his cell... he doesn't answer. Ugh. I think he might be driving or something so to leave it... then 15 mins later I know he couldn't have been driving so I ring the house.. well anyway his wife answers and I feel like a right tool having to ring to check up on my husband. I ask to speak to him and she says fine... well he gets on the phone and it has been damn obvious he has been drinking...

I mean I drink too its not like since we've had the children I've just lost my ways.. I'm just a bit more mature about the things I do and I wish he would be too. He didn't even think of anything because now he has been drinking he has the car over there so he CANT drive home... ugh they only live 5 mins away so he could have walked... but no he didnt walk because "its too cold".. and then i say well can you walk home now and he says he doesn't have a jacket, I mean by this stage I just wanted him to freeze to death...

I didn't even have the car to go over and get him.... there was NO way I was either leaving the girls to walk over and drive him home or getting them up to walk over... noooo way.. so then ugh I am so fed up with him... tell him to stuff it.

So last night he slept over at their house on the sofa while I was over here with the girls because "they offered him beer" and he didn't want to say no.. what a complete and utter crap excuse. He knew he had the car with him anyway it wasn't hard... and I'm sorry but in the state he was in I wasn't letting him drive home either even if it wasnt far.

I am just so fed up it has come to things like this. I want him to be the loving guy I know he is all the time..... I guess all people have problems sometimes but I hate the way I know the loving guy he can be and how I am so much in love with him but sometimes he doesn't seem to care..

and oh yeah I hate the way that now I feel I'm being too harsh on him because "he is a man" and "he is getting deployed for 3 months"... oh what the hero. ugh.

OK to cheer me up here are a few new pictures of my babies




Amy xx